be happy....

Nothing to write actually. My mind is danagerously empty now.
I feel so depressed. Yes. Things at my end have been gone very bad for the last few days.
"look for the invisible, listen to the silence,touch your imagination and make each day something special"
I wish the same everyday. But everyday somehow I'm happened to be gifted with enough sorrows, fighting and struggling.
I'm still not aware of the fact that I'm not perfect and not everyone is going to love me, accept me or approve me forever as what I am.
I have to learn to stop blaming others for what they have did to me.
I have to learn to stand on my own and take care of myself.
I have to learn to stop judging others and to accept others as they are.
I have to learn to say 'NO', when it's required.
I have to learn to stop trying to control results.
I have to learn to stop crying.
I have to learn to be happy.

dream or..?

First time in my life I took all those brochures about higher studies abroad,displayed there in British Library.
Do I really want to do it now. Or am I just trying to escape to some where.
I'm not that keen for higher studies now. But it's not a very bad idea, I'm sure.
I seriously started to think of the best schools and best courses.
I know one person went to do an international MBA some two years back from our firm
and joined back as a Manager. Now it's also heard that she's leaving the organization after
marriage. Am I trying hard to find out role models ??
Some months back, my project manager talked to me about an onsite trip.
I was really excited to hear that. But later when the plan is dropped, I heard a happy comment
from my Mom , that her prayer is answered. With this situation, how I'm going to get permission
for higher studies abroad. It'll remain as my stupid dream only.

I do smile..

The unusual time in my life it seems,

have lot of things to fight with

only to fight with.


Nobody knows me

a realization that came very late

I have been dreaming

but now I listen carefully

and the truth comes to me

I started to hate myself .



hey stop it..It's not the right way

come back dear

no one else's there to call you back

nobody cares you

nobody loves you

but ....


I'm sorry..

I'm sorry for those tears I cried

I won't cry

I may cry inside

I won't let anyone know how I feel inside

I won't let anyone laugh at me

I won't let anyone call me a fool

I'll smile

I'll smile always

I'll smile to hide my pain

going crazy......

"Life's not perfect, the way you live can make it wonderful......"
It's true, I understand. But I was always a perfectionist.
I can't take things as it comes often. That's putting me into troubles.
And my way of analysing every situation logically , another pifall in my way.
Don't know whether it's good or bad. I thought it was a plus point, which I used to
follow to reach the right decisions. I'm sure that it was leading me to reight decisions only
until recently. But now things has got changed. I need to work on it.
Give your best to every moment. That was my philosophy in life.
But I'm failing now.
Now only the ghost remains of that confident person.

In my own little world
I feel all alone
those who were always around me
determined to make me feel all alone
It's time to give up
as I have no control
all I have is myself
all I do is sitting here alone

let me say to stop cry...

let me say, be happy

truly I wish only that at the moment

the intense desire of the crying or dying soul

The sense of helplessness ruling over always

from dawn to night

only those priceless tears are still remaining

don't know why it's happening always

seems like I'm destined to be alone in sorrows

sorrows are half or hardly understood

people seems not at all cared of all these

say, let's not mind it

but not so bold I'm never

though want to be so always

wish some one to care me atleast

hope for some kind words to hear

let me not take all these to heart

but .........

beginning.not good

what to start with..

I was thinking of myself..quite a lot, but reaching nowhere..
without any particular aim towards somewhere I'm sailing across..
still with the hope that I'll reach the shore..but no trace of it yet..

I'm getting more reserved nowadays..my world is getting shrinked day by day..
really helpnessness...not able to take right decisions even..